In our new book, Extreme Balance: Paradoxical Principles That Make You a ChampionBen Askren (Co-founder of AWA), clinical psychologist David Sacksand share interviews with champions, scientific insights, and expert analysis that will challenge readers to rethink their approach to finding success. In the following excerpt, we discuss the pros and cons of having an “all-around” mentality versus a “there are more important things in life” attitude when competing in sports and business.

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Legendary New York Yankee Derek Jeter— as described by Tom Verducci in 2009 Sports Illustrated article for that year AS Sportsman of the Year—”Bounced out” a teammate who had performed poorly in a 2001 World Series loss after his teammate said, “Well, at least I had fun.”

According to Verducci's article, when he recounted that moment years later, Jeter said, getting upset again: “Fun? I can't relate to it. . . . What makes me angry is when people don't care, not when they fail. Everybody fails. — or when people act like they don't care.”

University of North Carolina head wrestling coach Rob Koll, a former NCAA champion for UNC and a consistent winner as a head coach at Cornell and then Stanford, describes his hatred as “unrelenting, almost pathological ” to the loss. “It drives me and motivates me like nothing else,” says Koll. “It doesn't mean you have to act like a baby if you lose, but it should get you going. After we lose a meet or double draft, I work twice as hard.”

Caring deeply about this means that success feels exciting and failure is life-or-death terrifying. If you allow yourself to experience the abject horror that comes with devoting yourself to the single-minded pursuit of a goal and then failing to achieve it, the pain of that disappointment can help you find even more energy and resilience in order to so you don't get disappointed. next time.

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Ask anyone who has reached their ultimate goal and they'll tell you that part of their journey involved painful setbacks that inspired them to find another level of commitment. Legendary wrestler and coach Dan Gable was undefeated through high school and college before being upset in his final match by Larry Owings in the 1970 NCAA finals. Gable has said that as successful as he was up to that point, he needed that loss to reinvigorate his commitment and eliminate any sense of invincibility. It was after this loss, he says, when “I got better”. He then set his sights on an Olympic gold medal, which he won in 1972 without giving up a single point.

Stories like these show that great achievement can be fueled heavily by the pain of loss. Instead of trying to maintain perspective and soften the blow of their recent failures, champions channel that pain into greater effort and determination. In this regard, trying to convince yourself that “it's just a game” is lost. Instead of mentally lowering the stakes, find a way to step up and do your best when the stakes are high so you can avoid that terrible disappointment in the future.

Consider a situation where your performance is literally a matter of life and death. Such scenarios occur regularly for surgeons, pilots and military leaders, and for them there is no escape from the pressure. If you're leading a group of soldiers on a mission through hostile territory, then keeping perspective means being aware that the lives of others are in your hands. You need to be at your best when it matters most.

Of course, not everyone is cut out for this type of work. If you falter under high pressure, you should choose a different career path. In military combat, emergency medicine, and law enforcement, you don't have the luxury of modifying the stock to your preferred stress level. Rather, you must adapt your performance to the high-stakes reality. For those who can do this successfully, the stress of a competitive sport pales in comparison. Therefore, it should come as no surprise that athletes who have experienced challenging circumstances in their lives – such as a fighting tournament or growing up in a crime-ridden neighborhood or war zone – are often the most resilient and fiercest competitors. mentally.

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Until you've experienced the kind of life-and-death pressure we're talking about, it's impossible to know how you'll respond. Psychologists refer to this natural response as your dominant response, and the way to determine your dominant response to stress is to put yourself in a stressful situation and see how you react. Just as physical strain will reveal flaws in the integrity of a structure, highly stressful situations will expose our deepest psychological weaknesses—or highlight our greatest strengths.

Is your dominant response to stress to buckle down and focus on the task at hand? Or do you respond by freezing and hoping you survive? If it's the former, then bring your toughest opponents and fight like your life is on the line. But if it's the latter, keep your perspective and treat your sport like a sport, not a fight. In the meantime, work on your dominant response so you can face bigger challenges in the future.