From a young age, we begin to master the art of persuasion and strategic communication, skills that are fundamental not only in personal interactions, but crucial in professional environments such as startups. Developmental psychologists have noted that by the age of five, children are already experimenting with various influencing techniques such as negotiation, persuasion and even anger. They carefully observe and imitate the adults around them, understanding which behaviors effectively achieve the desired results.

Moreover, basic beliefs about assertiveness—whether the belief that one must earn the right to make demands or the sense of entitlement to make demands without preconditions—are formed during these formative years. Consequently, children begin to adopt particular influencing styles based on their observations and experiences.

By the time we enter the workplace, these dynamics are deeply embedded in our psyche, leading to the development of particularly influential personality types. Most of us learn skills for it better impact depending on the situation, but we usually have a default style that can be categorized into two main groups: pushing and pulling.

Assessments I've conducted across multiple organizations reveal that only 10-15% of people surveyed fall into a mix of both styles, easily using push and pull. The vast majority clearly fall into either a strong push or pull style. Each type has its own unique approach to influence, and understanding which one matches your natural style can significantly increase your effectiveness in achieving the best results in your startup.

Connected: 7 scientifically proven steps to increase your influence

Overview of each type:

The drivers are direct and clear, often driven by a desire for clarity and reduction of confusion. They tend to position themselves as experts rather than being open and curious. In collaborative environments, they prefer to state their needs directly rather than asking questions understand the points of view of others. Under stress, they can become demanding, aggressive and poor listeners, sometimes oversimplifying matters and defensively taking control of the conversation.

Attractors are seen as more collaborative, inclusive and open. They prioritize establishing trust and connection through questions and are very attuned to the emotions of others. Under stress, attractors can hold their own, create stories in their minds, second-guess themselves, be overly talkative, and unconsciously create confusion due to a lack of clarity in their desires.

Tactics to improve your natural style by learning from others

The promoters must:

1. Give the “why”: Explain the reasoning behind your requests and make sure these reasons interest your audience.

2. Ask open-ended questions: Default exits story mode and enters question mode. Connection is often as important as expertise when working with others.

3. Play what you hear: Strategically reframe and paraphrase content, feelings, and needs to demonstrate understanding.

4. Don't always expect to get your way: Often natural pushers get upset when someone doesn't see eye to eye with them. Learn to accept different perspectives to reduce frustration.

5. Be patient: Avoid forcing quick solutions when more discussion is needed.

Withdrawals must:

1. Lead with your conclusion: Start with your main point instead of building a long case for what you want and hoping people keep following.

2. Assert yourself: State clearly and directly what you want. This takes practice, especially if asking for what you need was difficult in childhood. Practice with a trusted colleague as a way to warm up to this skill.

3. Briefness of practice: State what you want simply and clearly without unnecessary details. Natural attractors tend to over-explain themselves and risk losing their audience in the process.

4. Let go of past conversations: Attractors often dwell on past interactions, criticizing themselves for not choosing the perfect words. It is helpful for them to embrace the concept of “good enough”, instead of striving for perfection in every conversation.

5. Don't soften your question: After you make your request, avoid too much follow-up that can cause confusion. Attractors often feel the need to make sure they are understood. They have a tendency to explain themselves again either in Slack or via email after the initial conversation. This can upset their audience and create ambiguity that didn't exist before.

Connected: 8 Game-Changing Strategies to Become More Influential at Work

It's essential to identify where you fall on the push spectrum and be reflective about how your style helps or hinders you in your role. Start by adopting an aspect of the opposing style that doesn't come naturally to you. Over time, you'll develop a more balanced skill set that will be valued by your team and increase your overall impact.