What we have to gain by talking about grief and loss at work


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I was at my daughter's dance recital when I got the news that would change our lives: My husband, Harry, had cancer.

Harry and I met in Germany when I had just turned 30. I had moved there for work and fell in love with it the first day I saw it. He had an infectious smile and a way of going through life that honored the small moments and made room for big adventures during our 19-year partnership.

Harry was a planner who led a full life – but there was no foundation that could have prepared us for the last two years of his life, which were spent fighting cancer. They were the most difficult years that my family and I have gone through, but they have taught me more about love, hope and leadership.

As the leader of a global company that supports seniors through home care, I'm used to helping caregivers and families through bereavement, but losing Harry was a completely different experience. I hit my bottom and learned a lot about how we show up and talk about grief.

Death and grief are inevitable in life, but even in my industry, we need to talk about it more. The harder it is, the more we normalize conversations about death and grief, the better positioned we are to support those around us who are affected by grief. Here's what my experience taught me:

Connected: Grief and loss can seriously affect the ability to work. Here's how to create a workplace that supports those who go through it.

Being vulnerable builds better relationships in the workplace

As the CEO of a fast-growing company, I was used to showing up to work with positivity to set the tone for my team. However, as I got through the loss of Harry and the hardest obstacle of my life, I decided not to hide what I was going through from my team. Instead, I showed up to work exactly as I was.

For me, the best way I could support my team and myself was to be honest for what I was going through. If one day I was sad, then I would let my colleagues know. I didn't want to be pushy, and it was important that my team felt comfortable including me in workplace conversations. If I expected transparency, I had to lead by example.

By openly going through grief, I realized there was a deeper level vulnerability I could use and it made many of my workplace connections stronger. The more open I became with my team, the easier it was to find alignment.

Being vulnerable at work has long been seen as a weakness or unprofessional, but opening up to my team about my grief brought us closer. It also gave us a more personal understanding of how we can better care for our clients and the caregivers who support them through their health challenges on an ongoing basis.

there is a reason the main researches links vulnerability to better team performance and a stronger sense of trust and inclusion within a company's culture.

Supporting our “whole person” at work enables better results

After surviving one of the worst letters life could throw at me, after Harry's death, I began to reevaluate what was important to me in both life and work.

Not just mine facades about putting my best face forward at work fades, but my conversations with my team changed. I had always been interested in my team as people, but acutely aware of our mortality, I focused even more on learning about their hopes and dreams. I continued to support my team and myself in reaching our truest potential both personally and professionally.

When you've opened up and overcome the hardest obstacle you've ever faced, you realize you can overcome anything. Instead of focusing on rigid goals and outcomes, we progressed what mattered most and we believed in our abilities to discover the best results.

As we became more focused and fulfilled in all aspects of our lives, we began to see incredible results. I started inviting whoever I wanted to bond with for coffee or dinner, and if I had to pick my daughter up from school, I left work at 3pm without feeling guilty.

It's amazing what kind of life you can create when you put the right energy and focus towards it. As we made room for our personal goals, we thrived even more professionally—our Net Care Promoter Scores rose from the low 60s to a world-class score of 74, and we saw significantly less turnover . Not only was there a renewed focus on fun, balance and achieving dreams, but we created more autonomy for each other to do our work.

Connected: 6 Ways Grief Can Transform Your Business and Mindset

Normalizing conversations about death and grief at work

When I engage in any public speaking now, I make it a point to talk about Harry. It might make people feel uncomfortable at first, but then, they always come back and thank me.

When you normalize conversations around death and sorrow, you create space for people to heal, and in turn, you help those who are supporting them. At work, we're taught to stick to professional boundaries, and that's healthy, but there's a place for conversations about death and grief to happen within them.

Dr. Brene Brown, widely known for her work on shame, vulnerability and leadership, suggests clarifying the purpose behind sharing vulnerable information such as your experience with bereavement or death at work.

For example, in our work, families and carers can support someone with a terminal illness. Simply accepting the conversation about death can lead to new ways to bring happiness and joy to each stage of their journey, all the way to the end.

It's been almost three years since I lost Harry. The experience has forever changed the way I live and lead. I love the life I had when Harry was alive. And in many ways, my life is even fuller now because I have a greater sense of how to live it – that's the gift Harry gave me.

I hope that by creating a work culture where openness to grief is encouraged, my team will find more connection and support when faced with this inevitable human experience.

Connected: Being vulnerable is the bravest act of business leadership



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