^{This article originally appeared on Business Insider.}

“I hope we can put the past behind us and work together from here on out without any problems,” said my ex-boyfriend Austin (not his real name), poking his head into my office.

I was reeling from the shock of talking to him for the first time after giving him the silent treatment for six months. But this was out of nowhere; I knew why he was here.

Earlier in the day, I received a memo from the owner of the publishing company we both worked for, announcing that Austin had been promoted to editor-in-chief of the magazine I edited and wrote.

This meant that my ex-boyfriend was now my boss.

Friendship turned into flirtation

Austin and I became friends a few months after I started working at the company. While we didn't work together directly, I sometimes interacted with him. During every meeting, he made me feel very comfortable.

He had large, kind eyes and a continuous furrow between his brows, as if he were constantly stunned by the intensity of the world. But he was not shy; he was the type of man who never met a stranger. He had a non-judgmental air about him, and even during our initial banter about office matters, I felt like we had been friends for a very long time. He came across as incredibly intelligent and I began to feel attracted to him.

This was the 90s, before many workplaces adopted strict “there are no meetings between officesBut even then I knew it dating a colleague was a bad idea. “Don't take the honey where the money goes,” goes the saying. What would the rest of the office think? Was I the type of woman who slept with the guys from the office?

Logic told me to suppress my feelings, but Eros is strong. I foolishly ignored my instincts and let myself fall into Austin.

One day I was invited to lunch with a group of people from the office and when I arrived at the said cafe, I saw Austin there. I sat next to him and we talked more. Before long, it was common knowledge that we would eat together, flirting all the time.

In many ways, he was the perfect match for me; we worked in the same industry and had similar aspirations. We were both driven to create and had similar tastes in cinema and books. We always had something we liked to talk about together.

One night, sexual tension that had built between us was spilled. We were both late at the office and he came to my office to say hello. Taking a break from our respective projects, we sat together on the couch in my office. The energy between us was palpable. I fell into his arms and he kissed me.

Keeping office romance a secret

After that, we became an item.

Although our company did not stop colleagues from dating each other, we both already felt the taboo nature of our love, so we tried to keep it a secret. We pretended we didn't spend the nights together and made sure to arrive at work separately in the morning.

But then we'd spend lunch in his office and I'd come out afterwards with messy clothes and messy hair. Of course, we were doing more than just eating in his office, and the forbidden aspects of our relationship only made it more intoxicating.

I have no doubt that we were the source of many office gossip, but at that moment I didn't care. I had fallen for Austin.

In retrospect, the smartest thing any of us could have done was to find work at different companies. But neither of us did, and it made things incredibly uncomfortable when we eventually broke up.

The relationship deteriorated

It's hard to remember exactly how it happened, but as many couples do, we broke up.

After a year of dating, we started fighting, maybe from so much together. We worked together all day, then spent evenings and weekends together. We were never separated from each other.

Hanging out all the time had made our bond, but it was also its undoing.

One night, we had a fight. I don't even remember what we were fighting about, but I assumed we'd make up after, like we always did. Nothing could have prepared me for when Austin told me that he he wanted to end things. I begged him to reconsider, but he said he was done.

I was devastated. But more than that, I felt shame. It was embarrassing to be thrown and required to see the person every day.

In the past, when men have broken my heart, I've been able to lick my wounds in private. This time I needed space, but I couldn't find it.

The next afternoon at work, I slammed my office door when I heard him talking to another employee nearby. I was hurt and out of control. If our colleagues had suspected we were dating, they definitely knew we weren't.

It wasn't just that he had rejected me; our friendship also ended. No more lunch together, no more banter in the office. All I could do was avoid it to make things less painful for myself.

From that moment on, I stopped talking to him, looking icily the other way every time we crossed the hall, and he, in turn, pretended I didn't exist.

I couldn't ignore it anymore

Things went on like this for about six months until I got that memo that Austin was now my boss, and it sent me into a tailspin. As my new boss, I would have no choice but to talk to him.

As Austin stood at my door after a year of ignoring each other, I wondered how I should respond. Could I put our past behind us now that he had become my superior?

It was easy for him because he was the one who broke up with me. He wasn't the one with the bruised ego when our coworkers inevitably found out he dumped me.

“No,” I said.

Looking back, I can't believe I responded that way. After all, Austin had the power to fire me. Fortunately, he didn't. He left and I frantically searched my mind for another way to deal with this predicament.

I asked to be transferred to another magazine. The company we worked for published various magazines, so this was not an impossible question. When I met with a senior manager, I didn't tell him why I wanted to move. A few days later, I had a new assignment and Austin was no longer my boss.

I can't believe how unprofessional I was

I can't say I handled our breakup very maturely. I was in my mid-20s and not the most evolved person at the time. I am now 53 years old and I am amazed at how unprofessional I was.

I know how easy it is to be blinded by one's emotions, and I completely understand why it has become common for companies to have strict no-work policies.

And yet, a 2023 survey by Society for Human Resource Management found that 27% of respondents, all American workers, had been in a workplace romance. Forty percent said they had flirted with a coworker, and younger millennial and Gen Z workers were 33% more likely to say they were open to meetings between offices than older generations.

I find these statistics shocking, knowing what I know now about how difficult it is to deal with a colleague you've developed feelings for if it doesn't work out.

The same survey found that nearly 20% of respondents who had been to a workplace romance said it negatively affected their careers. When you add the possibility of sexual harassment allegations, I would never recommend dating a colleague. Even if you work in different departments, meeting a colleague is opening a Pandora's box of emotions that are difficult to navigate professionally.

I left the company about a year after Austin got his promotion and haven't had another workplace romance since. Although the experience did not negatively affect my career, it did affect the way people viewed me at that company. I lost the respect of my peers and that's a feeling I never want to feel again. I learned my lesson.

Lara Sterling is a writer living in Los Angeles with her husband and two children.