As a parent, you want your children to eventually become independent adults – but this transformation doesn't happen overnight. It involves carefully and gradually giving them more freedom and responsibility over the years growth and development until they reach a point where they are able to make important or even dangerous decisions for themselves.

Mentoring is much the same way. When someone is new to a role, they may need more of a hand. But as they grow, you should be able to loosen the reins a bit. As with parenting, this process can be scary. It's different for everyone and there's always the risk of leaving too soon. But also as a parent and founder of the free school fundraising platform The future fundI have seen for myself that you have more to gain from this than to lose.

Here's what parenting has taught me about encouraging self-reliance at home and in the workplace.

Related: Why let people fail now so they can succeed later

Helicopter parents and micromanagers are cut from the same cloth

Parenting and management are both very personal roles, so people tend to take them seriously. This is usually a good thing – but sometimes it leads to over-involvement.

You probably know parents who micro-manage. Some close friends of mine, whom I respect greatly, insisted on watching every movie and listening to every song their kids were interested in before letting them do it. They monitored their children's browsing history and regularly swiped their phones because they didn't trust them. I have seen managers do the same.

Some managers feel the need to personally review every decision their direct reports make. I realize that this may just seem like a cautious approach to risk management. But what it actually does is take away your subordinates' capacity to own their own decisions.

Over time, this approach actually makes your team dependent on you to an unhealthy degree—and means you constantly have to hold their hand, even to solve small problems. They become the equivalent of the workplace for sheltered children who cannot fend for themselves in the world.

Related: Why leaders who can delegate properly will avoid this suffocating business trap

Protecting people doesn't help them in the end

I care about what my kids see on their phones and computers, but I don't look over their shoulder or install spyware on their devices. I always tell them, “You're going to come across things online that make you uncomfortable, but my job isn't to protect you from them—it's to help you deal with it.”

Your job as a manager isn't to protect people either. It is to help them deal with the problems they face. If you don't, you're not protecting them in the long run. You're just taking it away from them the ability to make decisionss — not to mention their ability to learn from the results of those decisions, whether positive or negative.

As a parent, you want your children to eventually learn the difference between what is right and wrong for themselves. You want them to be guided by their strong moral compass, not hear your voice in their head every time they're faced with an important choice.

It's the same for your employees. They should be able to develop their own strong instincts for solving problems in the workplace, without constantly worrying about doing what they think you would want. Thus they become effective leaders capable of offering their valuable perspective instead of relying solely on yours.

So here's a phrase from parenting that I've started to use a lot at work: “My job is to advise; your job is to decide.” Remember, it's your job to make sure they've thought of everything. It is not your job to appeal to them.

Related: 4 Reasons Why You Should Stop Micromanaging Your Team

Ask clarifying questions instead of making judgments

Whenever someone asks, “Are you okay?”, be very careful when you answer.

Let's say one of your team members spends three weeks on an engineering project. After all the tests are completed, they bring the project to you for approval. If you can share it within 30 minutes after they've done all that work, they're either too green in their role, or you've got the wrong person.

Instead of calling for them, ask questions and see how they answer. You may not even understand what they built – but you may not need to. Ask questions like:

• What would you do if this part broke?
• What are the excesses?
• How would you improve this if you had more time or resources?

This will tell you what their thought process was and how carefully they thought through their work.

I have often found that people who are faced with these questions bring artificial limitations such as cost and time. “We want to do more, but we can't afford it” is a very common response. I usually reply, “Who decided that?”. More often than not, they realize that it wasn't actually a limiting factor.

As a parent, it's the same. Part of helping a child grow is encouraging them to do things they don't believe they are capable of. Your child may be ready to give up when they're trying out for a team you know they're good enough to be on, but asking them to try harder just isn't enough. You have to help them realize their potential instead of just telling them it's there – because even if you can see it, they still can't see it.

When you help children realize their potential, they do amazing things, like growing up $17,000 for their school football team. When you help your employees do the same, they do amazing things like write new features, find new ways to promote their ideas, or feel empowered to take risks and explore opportunities. cloud.

Asking the right questions can help them find that missing piece of the puzzle that completes the whole picture.

Related: Why real mentors don't just give answers – they ask the right questions