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A few years ago, I was involved in one professional conflict that consumed all my energy, focus and time. I was working with a colleague I had known for years. It was an important project for me and part of it became a point of contention between us. I passionately believed that my approach was the right one and was determined to make it happen. My colleague disagreed and thought her approach was stronger than mine.
The more I pushed, the more resistance I encountered. Our meetings grew tense, the emails we exchanged seemed filled with increasing acrimony, and project progress slowed to a crawl. It was no longer just about the project; it felt like a personal battle that I had to win. I was convinced that if I didn't fight for it, the whole project would fail and I wondered what could have been.
However, as the weeks dragged on, I realized that this battle was hurting the project and me personally. My stress levels were through the roof, my relationship with my colleague was deteriorating, and the project we were so excited about turned into a source of dread. The breaking point came when I said (okay, complained) to a trusted friend who asked, “Is this fight worth it? What are you trying to win here?”
This question hit me like a ton of bricks. I had become so focused on winning the battle that I lost sight of the bigger picture. In the end, I had to step back, reevaluate, and make the difficult decision to relinquish my position for the greater good of the project and my relationship with my colleague. It wasn't easy, but it was the right decision.
That experience taught me a crucial lesson about it head: not every battle is worth fighting. As leaders, we must learn to choose our battles wisely, knowing when to push forward and when to let them go.
Here's how I approached this delicate balancing act.
1. Assess the impact on the bigger picture
One of the most important considerations when deciding whether to fight a battle or let it go is understanding the impact on the bigger picture. Will winning this battle benefit the project, team or company in the long run or is it more personal pride?
Leaders who consistently focus on the bigger picture rather than getting bogged down in small details appear to be more likely to successfully navigate complex challenges. I have seen other leaders gracefully back down even when I knew they believed they were right in that situation. It is essential to stop and assess whether the battle you are fighting is in line with the overall project goals and vision.
Related: 3 signs you're letting pride get in the way of being successful
2. Estimate the likely cost of the battle
Every battle comes at a cost – time, energy, relationships or resources. Before engaging in any conflict or disagreementit is essential to weigh these costs against the potential benefits. In my case, the price was the deterioration of a long-standing relationship with my colleague and the stalling of the project's progress.
Research from the University of California (their various studies on conflict and leadership) found that leaders who weigh the costs of conflict before engaging in one are more effective at maintaining a cohesive team and driving long-term success. This means that you have to consider the immediate consequences and the long-term consequences of engaging in a battle.
3. Determine what is really at stake
It's easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment and lose sight of what's really at stake. Is this battle over a critical issue that will have significant impact sUccess of the project or the company, or is it more about your ego and proving your point right?
In my experience, many uncomfortable situations that seem important now are driven by personal pride rather than business necessity. By stripping away the emotional layers, you can focus on what really matters. I have found that when I focus on objective results rather than emotional satisfaction, I am more successful conflict resolution and decision making.
4. Know when to let go for the greater good
Sometimes, the best decision a leader can make is to give up. This does not mean giving up; it means admitting that your energy and resources could be better spent elsewhere. Letting go can be an incredibly difficult decision, especially when you've invested a lot of time and effort into a particular project, but it can also be the most strategic move.
In the end, letting go allowed me to refocus on the larger goals of the project and rebuild strained relationships. Letting go when necessary makes a person more adaptable and better equipped to lead, a key trait of successful leadership.
5. Learn from the struggle
Whether you fight a battle or let it go, there is always a lesson to be learned. It's essential to reflect on the experience, understand what worked and what didn't, and apply that knowledge to future decisions. Every battle, win or lose, is an opportunity for growth and learning.
An article from Center for Creative Leadership stated that leaders who regularly reflect on their decisions and learn from their experiences are more resilient and effective in their roles. This practice of reflection helps in making better decisions in the future. It also enables you to look at things differently – making sure you're not just fighting the battles, but choosing the right ones.
Looking back on that challenging time when I was clashing with my colleague, I realize that learning how to resolve my struggles was a valuable lesson for me. the leadership journey. It's easy to get caught up in the details and fight for every inch while losing sight of the bigger goals. However, authentic leadership it's about making strategic decisions that benefit the team and the project.
As leaders, we need to step back, clearly assess the situation and decide when to push forward and when to give up. This is not about avoiding conflict or withdrawing; it's about being smart, strategic and focused on what really matters. By choosing our battles wisely, we can lead more effectively, build stronger relationships, and achieve greater success.
Ultimately, the battles we choose to fight — and the ones we choose to let go — define us as leaders. It is in these crucial moments that we demonstrate our true leadership skills.