If you're like me, you may often wonder where our politeness has gone. We encounter rude behavior on our roads and highways. Television talk shows attract audiences by promising high-stakes conflicts. Consumers think nothing of reprimanding a retail employee who is just doing their job.

While some people may find rude and uncivil behavior fun and uncivil behavior is never fun in the workplace. Whether co-workers are being intentionally rude or just mean, the behavior destroys productivity. Left unchecked by managers, it also drives turnover.

Because each individual may view uncivil behavior differently, it is important set boundaries before we can attempt to remedy invisibility in an organizational setting.

Related: 7 ways to create a friendly environment at work

Defining uncivil behavior

Employees from many backgrounds and cultures populate today's workplace, and managers can struggle to set guidelines for what is appropriate. behavior. Simply put, if an employee feels slighted or undervalued because of the way a co-worker or manager interacts with them, you have a problem.

Managers who look at their phones during one-on-one meetings are rude and silently tell their employees that they don't matter. Employees who punish co-workers who think differently from them are engaging in uncivil and potentially threatening behavior.

The negative impact of uncivil behavior

I learned first hand how uncivil behavior can stop productivity. I was away at a conference with a new hire where we were dealing with potential prospects and important industry contacts.

Suddenly, my phone began to explode with activity in our corporate Slack channel for senior executives. After a few minutes of uninterrupted activity on the messaging platform, I realized there was an emergency—an emergency that was much different than I could have imagined.

Two of our senior executives, whose offices were no more than 20 meters apart, were arguing over text messages. As the argument grew more heated and showed no signs of resolution, I had to excuse myself from the conference and my new employee, who was also witnessing everything in real time on Slack.

What I needed most at that moment was for my two leaders to come to an agreement and get back to productive work. I instructed them to walk down the hall, meet in person and resolve the conflict. They did. And I learned a lesson.

Having emotionally charged conversations via email or text is a bad idea. People almost always find it easier to say things in those formats that they wouldn't say to someone in person. Often, uncivil remarks occur when the recipient misunderstands, usually due to a lack of vocal tone or facial expression. It's always better to have face-to-face conversations when you can't agree on something.

Our rule is this: If you have to write more than a paragraph, talk person to person.

Related: 6 Tips to Help Employees Work Through Conflict

Setting and communicating your boundaries

After that incident, I implemented a code of civility in my business. My leaders are expected to lead by example civil behavior. Key tenants of the code include:

• Everyone deserves dignity and respect regardless of their role in society, age, appearance, what they did last night or their political allegiance. When engaging in conversation with a co-worker, especially one with whom you have disagreed in the past, be intentional about maintaining civility in your comments. Your job title is not a license to be condescending; it is a responsibility not to be.

• Always assume a positive intention. When you encounter a disagreement, or think an employee may have done something wrong, proceed slowly. Let them explain, whether it's a co-worker or a member of your team. Instead of reacting emotionally and making a tense situation worse, listen carefully. You may learn that you misread the situation.

• Don't be angry, be curious. If you feel tense or anxious, your body is signaling you to ask more questions. When you're trying to deliver an argument, your goal should be to clearly understand the problem through their eyes before jumping in to offer a solution.

• Talk to the person who is causing, or who can solve, the problem. When a team member has a problem with a co-worker, we encourage them to have the courage to speak directly to that person. “Side conversations” lead to rumor and misinformation. And we are also mindful not to make mountains out of molehills.

• You can't always control what happens, but you can always control how you react to it in any situation. You may not always be able to improve the situation, but you can always avoid making it worse. Loud or abusive language towards another employee cannot be tolerated.

I expect all my employees to follow our code of conduct and to always be trustworthy in everything they say and do. This is mission critical for management.

Leaders set the standards for workplace culture

As CEO, I make it a point to emphasize courtesy in my workplacewhich means I have to model the behavior I want to see. It can be challenging to self-monitor. When I suspect (or realize) I've failed, I own it and ask for feedback.

It's not easy to hear honest feedback, especially from people who aren't aware of all the information you are. So I've had to learn, instead of immediately responding to their comments, to first thank them for having the courage and honesty to offer it.

Employees will not see you as a weak leader if you project a kind and aware character. They will respect you for admitting your shortcomings as they watch you work to improve yourself. The right management mindset can make a big difference.

Related: Here are 4 ways to develop a culture of respect and trust

Maintaining civility in the workplace requires leaders to do so set examples through their words and actions. Most importantly, managers must hire individuals who will fit well into a civilian workplace.

At my company, an employee who fits well with our culture and our customers is highly valued. But a team member who contributes to civility in our workplace is invaluable.